WELCOME TO THE JAMIE SHOW!

It fills me, surrounds me, overwhlems me right now.

Friends moving away, change in my lifestyle, my character, my "group", my family, my body.

Supersteve has finished his blog, and unless I find an internet capable computer in the next 2 weeks, my poor site may just follow suit. This saddens me deeply, this blog is self-medicated, it's a great place to rant, rave, cry, expressed my joy, concerns, just my every changing emotions in general.

This is how I keep in touch with most of you, especially now with my new schedule, which is extremely strange for me.

I have felt very nostolgic and emotional these last few days, I just haven't discovered why yet.......

I went to vote today, and I learned about something called Scrutineers (spelling?), seems rather dirty to me. I can't say to much cause my Grandfather was a MLA for 2 terms in this area, funny how everyone thinks this whole family votes the same way...... My mom says he could tell you how everyone in the community voted down to one vote, pretty weird eh. Hitler could run for Leader of the Party my family votes for, and they'd still vote the same way, weirdos. I on the other hand being the tree hugging hippy that I am, well I vote a little different, I think my grandfather probably did a few turns in the family plot today.

I have a friend in the military, his messenger nick today was :

"For God Sake People, Don't send me to WAR, vote NDP!"

I thought it was hilarious!

I really enjoy my new job, it's great getting tips again, but I really must practise my French anyone want to be of assistance? The other girls are very nice, and extremely helpful, I would have lost my mind a few times without their patience. I got to serve a hot French guy today, who was in with his mother and flirted relentlessly with me, I was wearing no make up. my hair under a bonnet, and wearing a frumpy custume, he made me ferl like a queen.

Supposedly free admission to the Fortress of Louisburg on Thursday, I am off work so I am heading over for some soup, a chance to check out my cute soldier, and a few of the other hotties.

My mother is having a yard sale this weekend, selling some stuff, fairly cheaply everyone should come check it out.

She claims she is going sell my stuff (because I will be at work) to see if I will take the hint and move out. Funny how she wanted me to move home when my Father went out west, to work, so she wouldn't be living here alone!

My Dad has also been suggesting jobs in Grande Prairie repeatedly every single time I talk to him. I think he wants me to move there (severe sarcasm), my brother Daniel already does.

My Daddy is coming home in two weeks, I am excited I haven't seen him in 9 weeks, and he probably won't recognize me with regular colored hair, my piercings out, and being awake before 2 pm.

The thing I hate most about being a girl, occurred twice this month, hence the garble that is about to be spewn forth at each and every one of you who dares to read this.

Have I mentioned how some days I hate being a “girl” and today is one of those days, I don’t normally call myself a “girl”, it doesn’t really suit me, then again nothing does lately.

It would be great if I could actually be the bitch I like people to think I am, the wall that I hide behind, well it’s been down a little to much lately. I never listen to my own advice, which is pretty horrid cause I give great advice.

Did I ever tell you I usually have the best intentions, I mean for things to work out well, that I have no control over my emotions or actions some times. Especially today, I almost cried because we ran out of hot chocolate at work, like who the fuck cries over shit like that, a girl does, that’s fucking who.

I also have no control over my raging hormones that flutter from one male to the next, I have a wondering eye, part of the reason I can not settle, I don’t stay interested long enough. I like a guy one day, and just want to hang out with him the next, or else find him completely repulsive. Though part of me aches to have my heart broken, just once, I never have you know, it sounds foolish, but at least if it broke, I would know that I had been in love.

This is going no where fast, I can’t give you the back ground story but needless to say, I am in a state of confusion. Last week I was certain I knew where my future lay, where I was going, who I would be travelling there with, when it would happen. There’s been a fork in the road, some potholes, and even a few other curves, so now here I sit, overly emotional, wondering…. What the fuck now?

On a side note, I have an opportunity to go to OZZFEST in Boston in 2 weeks, and all I have to do is pay for the ticket and my own meals. I doubt I could get the time off work, but if I can, could I go with two Metal heads in a car for god knows how many hours, and then spend 4 days in hotels room with them? Then again it is OZZFEST, Judas Priest, Slayer, Black Sabbath, who could ask for more?

Oh and everyone is moving away including a few of my super close friends, I think I will be shedding a lot of tears the next few weeks, damn you boys all to hell.

That is all!

I am so tired, I can barely type, I am having a BBQ tomorrow night, if you wish to come comment below or send me an email (capergrl@gmail.com) to let me know.

I have lots to say but not the energy to type it.

18 pounds, I lost 18 pounds on Atkins in 2 weeks, I am sticking with it for a while longer to see if this continues, and I haven't been hungry.

I talked to the guy, he flirted like mad with me, and wanted me to hang out with him when he was done work, but i had to work first thing this morning. We work opposite schedules, maybe it won't work.

I met cute soldier today..... hrmmmm???

It's 7 pm, and I am going to bed, I really enjoy my new job, but have only gotten 7 1/2 hours sleep in last 3 days. *YAWN*

I really should have prepared more things for BBQ, I am almost drooling I am so tired, if you are planning on attending, and want to bring something feel free to do so.

Going out to the Cabin, some guitars, beer, realaxing, possibly swimming, boating, very excited.

I have to weigh myself, two weeks since I started Atkins.... Also started new "pill" so that could have made me "gain". I went out last night, and I felt good about myself, it was great.

I called the guy yesterday, he had been away, he called me back, meeting up with him on Wednesday night..... can't help but be nervous...

I think I need a summer fling, someone to just hang out/make out with for the summer.... I miss that.

I am bubbling over....

I am filled with so many emotions, thoughts, ideas. I want to pour out so many things, I want to speak about so many people, and I am thinking about so many wonderful concepts.

I have renewed my struggle, I slipped, but have decided top push on, I think most of the people I perceived as being strong-willed have been crushed by crisis, so it gave me some doubts.

I had a wonderful time last night, out with some fun people, just to have a good time. I even stopped by a gathering and got to chill out with some other cool people whose company I enjoy. My friends and I ended up at Hermans listening to this band called

POPJOY

I thought they were fun, they made a connection with the crowd, they were great.

I slept for almost 12 hours today, I feel so renewed, refreshed and ready to take on the world. Who wants to come for the ride?

I am ready to quit, quitting, to start eating crappy food, I feel weak.

I want to run down the beach with the wind in my hair, and forget I even think of you......

I am afraid to leave my house.....

I love my gmail account. It has words like fuck in the spell check, that is a MASSIVE selling point for me.

Plus there is this thing called

GMail Swap

that has me completely addicted. The things some people will do to get their hands on GMail, is quite entertaining.

The guy is single.... He gave me his number a month ago... Has it been to long? It took me a month to confirm he's single..... maybe I'll wait until I see him out again.

Six Feet Under- Season Four started on Sunday night and I forgot and missed it.

Bif Naked played at the Savoy last night and I couldn't afford to go.

Nazareth plays next Thursday and if I make enough in Tips I am going.

Everyone who reads this must come to my job this summer to mock me and tip me well, especially you bastards collecting free money from call centre not to work.

I applied for EI yesterday, first time EVER.

I got a bit of a tan today, on my deck (did I ever mention I love living out here).

Thinking about having a BBQ next Friday night, have some beers, people could set up tents, go for a swim, we could laugh, sing have some guitars going. Could be a really good time, anyone interested?

GMail 1000 MB of storage, this is so sweet!

I ran away, I escaped deep within me, somewhere where I felt save, somewhere I could be myself, where I would be comfortable to accept the change.

I quit smoking over three weeks ago, I have cheated, but I haven’t because the way I look at it now, is every time I am drinking and have a puff, it’s just that, no more no less. I don’t want to get worked up over it, I do not have any intentions of returning to being a smoker. I no longer perceive myself as one who smokes.

I went on the Atkins diet, I researched it, my Mom was on it for 2 months, she has already lost 32 pounds, and looks great (though she did before too). I have lost ten pounds, since last Monday. I was doing quite well until my brother came to visit, he is eating all these delightful foods, like nachos and cheese, makes my mouth water a bit, and pizza and garlic fingers I miss that too.

I am having a dilemma, a major dilemma, an internal conflict. I will resolve it tomorrow, I need to think about it tonight.

I have 3 Gmail accounts to give away, any takers?

Breast reduction and me? Am I ready for that?

Summer is here, and I am excited.

Sleep is much needed and anticipated at this moment.

I might call a guy and ask him out on a proper date, we made out one night, I enjoyed it. I have looked at his number and set it aside quite a few times, I know he's interested, question is, how seriously?

Why can I give great relationship advice when I avoid commitment?

There is good reason they call them "crushes" it bloody well hurts.

I love my other blog, it's extremely liberating.

I still have the stamp on my hand from Hermans last night, the antibacterial soap doesn't remove ink apparently.

Some people just need to figure shit out on their own, and I somehow manage to bite my tongue. Now that's shocking!

I lost ten pounds this past week, I hope to lose 50 more by my birthday.

I bought a fabulous blue sun dress to wear out for my birthday, I can't wait, only 5 months to go.

I need a new perfume, I used the last of my Eternity, while away, the Hawaiian Ginger is on it's last legs, the Tommy Girl is almost empty, and I gave away the "fresh" smelling stuff because it didn't match my body chemistry. Suggestions?

I am back, will continue with crazy rantings shortly, am very exhausted and content.

I learned HTML in 20 minutes while I was "gone" after all my friends made it sound so complicated and difficult. I was rather disappointed with how simple and basic it really is, some of my "idols" have fallen from their pedestals.

I had a wonderful evening, I felt the urge to get very dressed up and go out to the big Saturday night "hot spot" Hermans. I had some good conversation a few good laughs and got to admire some attractive gentlemen, both in close proximity and from a distance.

I think today will be rather relaxing, I am just going to chill out with one of my favorite people.

I do not begin my new occupation until June twenty-third, therefore if anyone is bored, knows of good cheap entertainment (because no work = no pay) and is crazy enough to think I may make good company.... Get in touch with me. Or if you wish to come along on my crazy adventures (which I never really do know what they may be), also get in contact with me.

I have loads of thoughts, feelings, and ideas to unload in the next few days, so be prepared.

I will not be telling the story of my amazing adventures on Saturday night. Nor will I talk about anything that has happened over the last week except to say it's fantastic.

I have made some major changes in my life and have been extremely sick because of them. Though I know things will work out well in the end, all I need is a little patience and some self control.

I disappeared for a few days, I will be returning on Sunday refreshed, renewed and ready to face whatever challenges I am presented with.

This is going to be a fucking awesome summer!

I am not quite sure where to begin or how to get the pure joy I inferences in proper context. I will ramble and see if you can decipher it.

Friday night began with five wardrobe changes, 2 rearrangements of my hair and Jamie consuming 6 beers in two hours, before we headed out to the bar. We parked my friend Carol's car in a hotel parking lot (because she couldn't start drinking till she was assured it would be safe. I called Georgina again to make sure she would be there, it had been a while since I had partied at the Capri with Gina.

We went to the Rum Jungle ("Slut Hut") first, the hot bartender wasn't working, but the bouncer I had made out with after the Stream Christmas party was. We locked eyes a few times, and I wouldn't mind making out with him again, though one of my friends is convinced he has a girlfriend.

I did meet one of his exes, who is a friends sister, "the pink shirt girl" and I had a wonderful chat, (he asked me if I confessed my love for him to you... What an ego!) She also introduced me to one of her friends as the "girl with the blog thingy" and I was embarrassed that they read my drivel, but they didn't spit on me, so I don't think they hate it. I did enjoy chatting it up with those two we had a few good laughs.

I went back into the bar, wished I was dancing but my friends were still hum drum, I had polished off three more beers. I ran into this guy I used to work with who I am pretty sure is interested in me. He's not my type and I believe I made some comment to the effect before, though he seems persistent, I just want to be friends.

My friends were bored, I was drunk, we headed to the Capri, I grabbed another beer, and drug them to the dance floor. I was a machine, I was having a ball.

I ran into a guy who I am interested in, he grabbed my ass and I flirted like a fiend. Then I ran into Georgina and Chris, fighting as usual, then my brother, trying to play mediator. They ended up not staying too long, though I did hate Gina's pants, she resemble a gay military soldier and I told her something to that effect. Her and I do NOT share tastes in Men or Clothes.

I was walking back through the bar and I had a fairly large fellow in front of me and another one behind me, I was looking for Tanya, not really paying attention. Then someone grabs my ass, I turned around with my fist cocked, and the big blond guy behind me gave me a look of terror. I can't help but giggle now thinking of it. He was worried and he pointed to the culprit, the bouncer from the previous bar, who grinned at me, and I hoped for a second that my friend was wrong about him having a girlfriend.

I seen two guys snort coke off a window sill outside the bar, a rather bizarre incident. I also seen the beginnings of a few fights.

We ended up at this place called "The Zoo" after the Capri, it was the last night, of this hang out, the people were moving the following day. I got to dance a bit more and wondered if I had stepped into a indie film about like Spun or Kids for a moment. Everyone was on E, but me, all drinking loads of water, I had sobered up, and just wanted to move and chat, but my friends were burning out so we called Kenzo, who was in Sydney, to pick us up and take us home.

Now that was only the beginning of my crazy and amazing weekend.

I will return later tonight to fill you all in on my crazy adventures. I am also running away for the next week, am very excited.

The moon was high, and the stars littered the sky with a sparkling residue that demanded attention. The wind was chill, but only so much as to make you shiver when you looked skyward and envisioned all the wonderful things that the heavens do hold. The world had a rosy cast that evening... soaking in and making you forget about rainy days and cloudy forecasts.

A walk under the stars... Shoes in hand.... cold hard pavement underfoot.. but not a feeling of discontent could bed up due to the circumstances that surrounded this bare foot adventure in the cool of the night. Things had gone better then planned, even now… early to us... so much more to experience... young... hot.. intoxicated... and looking for a good time.

I like short walks on the beach and lamp lit dinners.

There are so many absolutely wonderful things that I wanted to write about.. the story of this weekend was one that set the perfect mood for an amazing summer. It was a weekend that could never have been dreamed up or planned to have worked out in a better way. I wanted to sit and rant and rave about all the wonderful things we had seen...... all the wonderful boys that were involved.. and all those precious moments that you and your friends bring up and smile about even after better things have come your way. It was if the weekend had been scripted in our dreams and brought to life.

But the weekend has wound down, we are all getting settled back into the weekly routine…. Going our separate ways and hoping the next time we all come together we will laugh and smile and get intoxicated beyond belief. The whole summer is an open adventure we have yet to enjoy.


So, ill just brace myself for the craziness to come, and sleep with dreams of those wonderful things that have already taken place. I learned something this weekend, and I don’t need to rant and rave, I don’t need to exaggerate, I don’t need to publicize it. I just need to embrace this new knowledge within myself and reap the benefits in the form of smiles and sighs that are with me all day..

SO in conclusion.. I have a ghetto booty that just won't quit and JMe wants to touch my boob.

(This was written by my divine friend "anominous")

I am having a dilemma, I was supposed to go to the Slayer concert next weekend, my friend who was going to go with me backed out. I don't want to go alone, even though I know other people are going, and I don't have much money to spend, because I just resigned from one job, and don't start the other for two weeks.

Main Street Mission on Saturday night, I am psyched. I have such a good time every single time we go there.

Today was a wonderful time, spent with good company, in a warm place, filled with laughter, though I did fear for my life once.

It was a cool night, I had just bought a pack of cigarettes, but could not find a lighter, or match. I pulled my car up in front of the Hall steps, it was the informal gathering place for some people on cooler nights in this small town. I got out of my cavalier and asked one of the guys for a light. She was roller blading by, she stopped for a rest, as I lit my smoke. She approached me timidly, I didn't like her; I always thought she was a snobby bitch.

I don't remember who spoke first, but then, we are huddled together under a blanket, drinking butterscotch schnapps and telling the other what a bitch we had thought they were. We chatted and laughed like old friends, and the rest isn't important.

It's her birthday today, she is 22 years old, and over 4 thousand kilometers away from me. Last year at this time we were drinking and celebrating together in the bar we had worked at together.

She is one of the few people in the world I would sell my car in a heart beat to help, I would rip out a lung to give to. She is one of my best friends, and I miss her so.

She is a feisty red head with a temper which is milder than mine slighty, but flashes much quicker than one would expect. She has an ass that J-Lo would be jealous of, and green eyes that light up when she laughs.

We once called each other down to the lowest in front of another girl who cowered as we shouted. Then we sat down for a beer together less than 10 minutes later, like nothing had happened.

We have both taken turns being the designated driver, one of the reasons I taught her how to drive my car. She is the only person in the world who I have passed out with because I felt comfortable.

I have threatened to kill people who spoke ill of her in my presence, yet have been tempted to beat her head off, a few times as well.

When we worked together at the bar we were a pretty lethal combination, we killed sharks at their games of pool. We danced till the sun came up, and drank till everyone else was passed out. We hunted ghosts, and other mysterious forces, surrounding the area we lived in. We shot off fireworks all over the town and country side, causing havoc in many lives.

We cried over dumb boys, laughed over crazy sexcapades, shouted over stupid nicknames, and worried over pool shots.

Happy Birthday Aileen!

"They put it in your head
Then put you in your bed
He's watching say your prayers
Cause God is everywhere"

- Pantera

Self revelation is a hard thing to deal with, sometimes I look at my friends and I see a piece of myself within them. Normally it isn't the good portion either, and I want to cower away from it.

I feel empty, alone and destructive. I have an intense want to inflict pain and self doubt among those who are wandering in circles around me. The bleeding heart within me conflicts with the cruelest, coldest parts of the bitch.

My friends, family and strangers normally approach me when they are in mental disarray. This perplexes me.

It also amuses me that everything I fight so hard not to be, overwhelms me when I least expect it.

Crank the volume, and let the angry words and violent guitar drown out the whiny bitch.