Friday, March 05, 2004
Hot as Pepperoni pizza?
So I am sitting at my parents house, in front of their computer which they just had upgraded, and I am contemplating all of the events of the last week, how little I accomplished, how terrified I felt to be back at square one, to be helpless again. Trapped so to speak, for those of you unaware I have a broken foot, and it is not the first broken limb I have had, but I sure hope it's the last.
Tomorrow is my parents 27 th wedding anniversary, and my mother gave my father a card that says, "after all ths time you are still as hot as pepperoni pizza". WEIRDOS! Except that is a very long story that I will save for another day.
My parents and I were talking at suppertime and I relaized this year I will be the same age as my mother was when she had me, and she had been married for four years.
This has caused me to re-evaluate my life, to sit in front of this monitor at 2:23 am on a Friday morning, with a doctor's visit quickly approaching it's 10:30 am appointment, in wonder and a pure state of confusion.
I am 22 years old, I am starting into my 23rd year on the planet, I have no children, no house, I am 3 months into the purchase of a new car, and everyday I think about returning it, because it represents a chain around my throat.
I have no serious romantic relationships, I have HAD no serious romantic relationships, the closest thing to it, was a relationship that lasted a year and 6 months (minus three days cause I broke up with him 2 days before Valentines). That was more just a good friends hanging out, having fun (well at least on my side), till he suggested settling down buying his parents house and getting married and I told him "Good Luck with THAT!!!!"
Well unless you take into consideration, Ryan, my quiet farm-boy friend from Saskatchewan, (that I briefly dated) who worships the ground I walk on and has made about three briefs trips out of THAT province, no farther than a few hundred kilometers from his home. I think, well I wish, I could be in love with him, cause it is clear to me that he adores me, but the thing is, I am far to dominant for him, and cannot settle down on a farm.
Now some of you are thinking why not get him to move here, and he would, but that would compromise my freedom, (man I am such a bitch) and it would be cruel and unfair to make him move, when I know he would only do so for my sake.
I sit here knowing I have never been in love, knowing I will never be one of those girls who flutters from guy to guy, telling them things that I truly don't believe in my heart. I am mean and callous, yet I have no bad past relationships to leave me this way, and my parents have set a superb example of a healthy relaitonship.
I know why I avoid relationships like a plague, because in the end there is only one relationship for me. It will sneak up on me when I least expect it, and when I am prepared, I will fall madly in love with that man, and it will be forever, and because I will not settle for anything less............
I have to wait it out, and try not to be a heartless bitch in the meantime.
WOW where in the hell did that come from????
Tomorrow is my parents 27 th wedding anniversary, and my mother gave my father a card that says, "after all ths time you are still as hot as pepperoni pizza". WEIRDOS! Except that is a very long story that I will save for another day.
My parents and I were talking at suppertime and I relaized this year I will be the same age as my mother was when she had me, and she had been married for four years.
This has caused me to re-evaluate my life, to sit in front of this monitor at 2:23 am on a Friday morning, with a doctor's visit quickly approaching it's 10:30 am appointment, in wonder and a pure state of confusion.
I am 22 years old, I am starting into my 23rd year on the planet, I have no children, no house, I am 3 months into the purchase of a new car, and everyday I think about returning it, because it represents a chain around my throat.
I have no serious romantic relationships, I have HAD no serious romantic relationships, the closest thing to it, was a relationship that lasted a year and 6 months (minus three days cause I broke up with him 2 days before Valentines). That was more just a good friends hanging out, having fun (well at least on my side), till he suggested settling down buying his parents house and getting married and I told him "Good Luck with THAT!!!!"
Well unless you take into consideration, Ryan, my quiet farm-boy friend from Saskatchewan, (that I briefly dated) who worships the ground I walk on and has made about three briefs trips out of THAT province, no farther than a few hundred kilometers from his home. I think, well I wish, I could be in love with him, cause it is clear to me that he adores me, but the thing is, I am far to dominant for him, and cannot settle down on a farm.
Now some of you are thinking why not get him to move here, and he would, but that would compromise my freedom, (man I am such a bitch) and it would be cruel and unfair to make him move, when I know he would only do so for my sake.
I sit here knowing I have never been in love, knowing I will never be one of those girls who flutters from guy to guy, telling them things that I truly don't believe in my heart. I am mean and callous, yet I have no bad past relationships to leave me this way, and my parents have set a superb example of a healthy relaitonship.
I know why I avoid relationships like a plague, because in the end there is only one relationship for me. It will sneak up on me when I least expect it, and when I am prepared, I will fall madly in love with that man, and it will be forever, and because I will not settle for anything less............
I have to wait it out, and try not to be a heartless bitch in the meantime.
WOW where in the hell did that come from????
