Friday, October 03, 2003
well then....
Okay so here is my confession, time for Jamie to talk about her addictions.... though not as severe as most... still most of them are pretty lethal...... now most of you know about the obvious one: blogs, love them read them all, everyday i check each and every one of your blogs......
Now a silly one: ANGEL the show is awesome i love how cheesy it is. DAVID BORENAZ is H-O-T..... and i started watching Buffy when it first started and got hooked EVERYONE makes fun of me for it, but i can deal. Then there is sleep.... I LOVE to sleep all day everyday.. i can sleep for 10-12 hours if left alone in a nice warm bed. On to the clothes, i spend far too much money on clothes, when i first gained all the weight after my accident i stoppped buying clothes, cause let's face it.. fat girls clothes are ugly.. but WAIT! then in January totally by accident i walked into this store next to blockbuster in saint john (nb) cause they had a 70% off sale...... i dicovered PENNINGTON'S and an hour and half and 1000$ (yes a thousand) dollars later...... i walked out..... and haven't stopped since. Now for every 500$ you spend you get a 25$ gift certificate and i now have 4 and another in the mail... omg i am an addict!
so then the more obvious ones... like from the last bit you will notice that i described myself as fat... and before someone dares utter the sentence "jamie you are not fat" open your mother fucking eyes and stop telling me shit i don't want to hear.. cause quite frankly.. i am sick of being the funny fat friend; it was cute and fun for a while... but it is getting old fast... i don't want to be the girl you are friends with because you don't feel threaten by her: "cause really what guy is going to pick her over me?" or "Jamie you are my first "bigger" friend".... I hate "bigger" and "chubby" and fucking "chunky"... soup is chunky; I am fat! and godammit i am sick of it..... though the funny things is: i enjoy my body so much more now than i ever did when i was "thinner" ( i have never been "thin" big shoulders, huge chest and gigantic hips!) but i used to be 36c-28-36 with a perfect stomach and i hated myself i thought i was huge and ugly and blah blah blah... and do not get me wrong i don't hate myself now by any stretch of the imagination...... i hate being unhealthy.. i could care less what the drunk guy at the bar thinks of me... or really any of my friends cause hey this is me and fuck you! if you don't like it...... but i wanna be able to feel comfortable in my own skin again, i want to feel sexy most of the time, not once in a while.
Though i wouldn't change anything for a minute, as far as the past and getting fat and being fat..... the things i have learned and the enjoyment i have experience..... my friends were all getting chased down like 2$ whores (no offence to anyone at all) and the guys and I were playing pool, having beers, going for drives and just talking to me.... i wasn't some hoochy or peice of tail, i was a friend..... there was no ulterior motive... i couldn't be friends with half the guys i am friends with, or even learn half the stuff i know now if I hadn't been the funny fat chick. ( the shit they say about you pretty little ones when you aren't around is hilarious). The other thing i always noticed... when you are fat you get looked at COMPLETELY different by people who are not, they talk different around you.... like the above mentioned terms of desciption i never heard "bigger" till i got fat.... never once to describe ANYONE; then all of a sudden it wasn't look at the fat chick; it was looking at the "bigger" girl. I became an alien... and the ones who have great bodies going on about being fat (i could kick you) and walking into stores like in halifax the other day i was buying clothes for kel for her birthday (she is a size small in the crazy nazi small stores) and the sales girl asked me if i wanted to try on the clothes like i could get a finger in half the fucking clothes too funny. I used to love Le Chateau but after i got fat and went in there shopping with some friends and the gay sales guy gave me a look and asked if i was lost..... FUCKING FUCKER if it wouldn't have been thought of as gay-bashing (which i am TOTALLY against) i would have beat his fucking head off every wall in the building and shoved a mannakin up his ass!
But back on topic..... i want to tone up slim down and kick some serious ass..... i want to strut like i used to (cause i still have a wee bit of a limp) i want to run full tilt for longer than a min or two, i want to wear a two peice and KNOW that i look damn FINE....... because society is a bitch and i have to be a part of it so i may as well look killer doing it! and it will be done my way. OKAY! I am giving myself lots of time... i mean i gained 100 (yes one hundred) pounds after the accident and have already lost about 30-40 of it only 60 left to go.
Oh and next weekend, Thanksgiving, i can't wait till someone mentions my weight cause i will lay into them like nobodys business; so someone had better start praying for that mofo..... cause family really is the harshest critics. they get me everytime!!
Okay the biggest challenge ahead (though the above is going to be the longest part) SMOKING!
It has been trials and tribulations quitting. I have done it before and can do it again this time for good..... no matter what happens (and believe me something always DOES).
Sunday is my birthday and for me it is my "new years resolution" day.... i have been wanting to under-go some major changes like eating healthier and working out well that needs to start with quitting the damn smoking cause really it's GROSS, i do NOT want to have yellow teeth and fingers, wrinkles, bad smell, bad breath.... enough is enough and i am DONE. I am going to smoke like a fiend all weekend. Come SUNDAY NO MORE! at all no cheating, no patch, no zyban (cause does that ever mess with the head), no gum, nothing, just me being the stubborn pig-headed bitch i am! it's over....... and some of you may say jamie has said this before and you know what: i have and don't care don't care don't care...... cause this time it's me alone, (kel if you want to quit with me all the power to you) i am doing this shit up and i am doing it up the way i want to! on my own terms with nothing to prove to anyone....... and omg can i ramble and rant when i want to!
so theres the deal. i have been saying the winds of change are a blowing and here it comes baby so word to the wise...... be nice to me for the next little while or i may just knock your head clean off your shoulders........
BTW- side note spell checker is broken and i am tired and my back hurts..... so deal with the typos for today! Thanks again for reading my drivel............... whoever you are..........
Now a silly one: ANGEL the show is awesome i love how cheesy it is. DAVID BORENAZ is H-O-T..... and i started watching Buffy when it first started and got hooked EVERYONE makes fun of me for it, but i can deal. Then there is sleep.... I LOVE to sleep all day everyday.. i can sleep for 10-12 hours if left alone in a nice warm bed. On to the clothes, i spend far too much money on clothes, when i first gained all the weight after my accident i stoppped buying clothes, cause let's face it.. fat girls clothes are ugly.. but WAIT! then in January totally by accident i walked into this store next to blockbuster in saint john (nb) cause they had a 70% off sale...... i dicovered PENNINGTON'S and an hour and half and 1000$ (yes a thousand) dollars later...... i walked out..... and haven't stopped since. Now for every 500$ you spend you get a 25$ gift certificate and i now have 4 and another in the mail... omg i am an addict!
so then the more obvious ones... like from the last bit you will notice that i described myself as fat... and before someone dares utter the sentence "jamie you are not fat" open your mother fucking eyes and stop telling me shit i don't want to hear.. cause quite frankly.. i am sick of being the funny fat friend; it was cute and fun for a while... but it is getting old fast... i don't want to be the girl you are friends with because you don't feel threaten by her: "cause really what guy is going to pick her over me?" or "Jamie you are my first "bigger" friend".... I hate "bigger" and "chubby" and fucking "chunky"... soup is chunky; I am fat! and godammit i am sick of it..... though the funny things is: i enjoy my body so much more now than i ever did when i was "thinner" ( i have never been "thin" big shoulders, huge chest and gigantic hips!) but i used to be 36c-28-36 with a perfect stomach and i hated myself i thought i was huge and ugly and blah blah blah... and do not get me wrong i don't hate myself now by any stretch of the imagination...... i hate being unhealthy.. i could care less what the drunk guy at the bar thinks of me... or really any of my friends cause hey this is me and fuck you! if you don't like it...... but i wanna be able to feel comfortable in my own skin again, i want to feel sexy most of the time, not once in a while.
Though i wouldn't change anything for a minute, as far as the past and getting fat and being fat..... the things i have learned and the enjoyment i have experience..... my friends were all getting chased down like 2$ whores (no offence to anyone at all) and the guys and I were playing pool, having beers, going for drives and just talking to me.... i wasn't some hoochy or peice of tail, i was a friend..... there was no ulterior motive... i couldn't be friends with half the guys i am friends with, or even learn half the stuff i know now if I hadn't been the funny fat chick. ( the shit they say about you pretty little ones when you aren't around is hilarious). The other thing i always noticed... when you are fat you get looked at COMPLETELY different by people who are not, they talk different around you.... like the above mentioned terms of desciption i never heard "bigger" till i got fat.... never once to describe ANYONE; then all of a sudden it wasn't look at the fat chick; it was looking at the "bigger" girl. I became an alien... and the ones who have great bodies going on about being fat (i could kick you) and walking into stores like in halifax the other day i was buying clothes for kel for her birthday (she is a size small in the crazy nazi small stores) and the sales girl asked me if i wanted to try on the clothes like i could get a finger in half the fucking clothes too funny. I used to love Le Chateau but after i got fat and went in there shopping with some friends and the gay sales guy gave me a look and asked if i was lost..... FUCKING FUCKER if it wouldn't have been thought of as gay-bashing (which i am TOTALLY against) i would have beat his fucking head off every wall in the building and shoved a mannakin up his ass!
But back on topic..... i want to tone up slim down and kick some serious ass..... i want to strut like i used to (cause i still have a wee bit of a limp) i want to run full tilt for longer than a min or two, i want to wear a two peice and KNOW that i look damn FINE....... because society is a bitch and i have to be a part of it so i may as well look killer doing it! and it will be done my way. OKAY! I am giving myself lots of time... i mean i gained 100 (yes one hundred) pounds after the accident and have already lost about 30-40 of it only 60 left to go.
Oh and next weekend, Thanksgiving, i can't wait till someone mentions my weight cause i will lay into them like nobodys business; so someone had better start praying for that mofo..... cause family really is the harshest critics. they get me everytime!!
Okay the biggest challenge ahead (though the above is going to be the longest part) SMOKING!
It has been trials and tribulations quitting. I have done it before and can do it again this time for good..... no matter what happens (and believe me something always DOES).
Sunday is my birthday and for me it is my "new years resolution" day.... i have been wanting to under-go some major changes like eating healthier and working out well that needs to start with quitting the damn smoking cause really it's GROSS, i do NOT want to have yellow teeth and fingers, wrinkles, bad smell, bad breath.... enough is enough and i am DONE. I am going to smoke like a fiend all weekend. Come SUNDAY NO MORE! at all no cheating, no patch, no zyban (cause does that ever mess with the head), no gum, nothing, just me being the stubborn pig-headed bitch i am! it's over....... and some of you may say jamie has said this before and you know what: i have and don't care don't care don't care...... cause this time it's me alone, (kel if you want to quit with me all the power to you) i am doing this shit up and i am doing it up the way i want to! on my own terms with nothing to prove to anyone....... and omg can i ramble and rant when i want to!
so theres the deal. i have been saying the winds of change are a blowing and here it comes baby so word to the wise...... be nice to me for the next little while or i may just knock your head clean off your shoulders........
BTW- side note spell checker is broken and i am tired and my back hurts..... so deal with the typos for today! Thanks again for reading my drivel............... whoever you are..........
