Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Why can't I have a breakdown?
You know it never fails, every single time I am on the edge of a complete nervous break-down, someone else's shit hits the fan.......... It's great......lol.............. I know that sounds ridiculous to most of you, but to me.. Jamie - Chief councilor, Psychologist and Psycho-analyst to most (if not all) of my friends and some of my family. I have played relationship councilor to more people than I can count, (and I SUCK at relationships). I can call a friend on the brink of tears and end up holding them back to tell her she is a great person and that guy that used her for sex really did care about her feelings. I have called friends to chat in the middle of the night and ended up listening to all of their problems.
Now this is not a complaint because man, it does wonders for my sanity.... my friend and I (who is dealing with a shit-load of problems right now) were discussing the benefits of hearing everyone else's concerns and "issues". You have to put your feelings and thoughts aside for a while and deal with something bigger than you........ sometimes I have nothing to give: no advice, no comments, nothing to relate, and sometimes I get upset and tell whoever they are that they are perfect and anyone who doesn't like them for who they are can kiss their ass.
The thing that ALWAYS wigs me out.......... complete strangers telling me their life stories.... how their husband beats them, or father abused them, how they have a drug problem, or had an abortion............WTF........ how, what, where, when, I mean what the fuck do I say........ how does this happen....... do I have a trusting face.... kind eyes........ it's been happening to me since I was a kid.......... people tell me things that they've never told ANYONE........ and sometimes they are in my life for five minutes on a bus, or plane, sometimes my whole life.......... and it's interesting and I appreciate the fact that they trust me... sometimes it scares the hell out of me, other times I just go home and cry.......... a lot of it I cannot relate to........ some of it I can, most of it is totally left-field. And all of it I will take to the grave...... unless it endangers me or them.......... like if you are going to injure yourself I will do everything within my means to stop you! (including buying a plane ticket to butt-fuck Saskatchewan.)
Since Thursday at least one person a night has confided in me............. I have had some lovely chats, and look forward to more.......... for being so self-absorbed..........I am a pretty damn good listener!
Now this is not a complaint because man, it does wonders for my sanity.... my friend and I (who is dealing with a shit-load of problems right now) were discussing the benefits of hearing everyone else's concerns and "issues". You have to put your feelings and thoughts aside for a while and deal with something bigger than you........ sometimes I have nothing to give: no advice, no comments, nothing to relate, and sometimes I get upset and tell whoever they are that they are perfect and anyone who doesn't like them for who they are can kiss their ass.
The thing that ALWAYS wigs me out.......... complete strangers telling me their life stories.... how their husband beats them, or father abused them, how they have a drug problem, or had an abortion............WTF........ how, what, where, when, I mean what the fuck do I say........ how does this happen....... do I have a trusting face.... kind eyes........ it's been happening to me since I was a kid.......... people tell me things that they've never told ANYONE........ and sometimes they are in my life for five minutes on a bus, or plane, sometimes my whole life.......... and it's interesting and I appreciate the fact that they trust me... sometimes it scares the hell out of me, other times I just go home and cry.......... a lot of it I cannot relate to........ some of it I can, most of it is totally left-field. And all of it I will take to the grave...... unless it endangers me or them.......... like if you are going to injure yourself I will do everything within my means to stop you! (including buying a plane ticket to butt-fuck Saskatchewan.)
Since Thursday at least one person a night has confided in me............. I have had some lovely chats, and look forward to more.......... for being so self-absorbed..........I am a pretty damn good listener!
